Scrolling through Facebook today, I saw some pictures of Matt that had me smiling and literally chuckling out loud. He, and the group of men he lives with in a sober living halfway house, spent the weekend at the lake. These men, all with different history and from different backgrounds, are all sharing this journey of sobriety together. They were out having good, wholesome fun in their free time and it warms my heart.
We don’t talk to Matt as much as I’d like. Generally, we text him and ask if he’s available and, if he is, we’ll talk for a few minutes. Lately, the talks we’ve had have left me feeling discouraged. He seems to be changing jobs a lot. He’s always got a reason why one job didn’t work out and he’s looking for the next one. I can’t help but think that perhaps his work ethic is not where it should be. At the same time, he’s always actively looking for work in between jobs and it doesn’t ever seem to be long before he’s got something. He hasn’t asked us for money at all. That’s an amazing feat! Anyone who’s dealt with addiction personally will likely understand how big a step that is.
I find myself questioning my own reactions to Matt’s progress. I feel like it’s slow. I feel like he should be further along with a sincere change of attitude. I have to remind myself that it’s not right or fair for me to expect Matt’s recovery to exist upon MY timeline. I can’t expect his progress to take any less time than Matt and God need for it to take. Matt’s recovery is Matt’s recovery, not mine.
So, today I’m reminding myself to be thankful for the small steps. I am grateful for the men who are influencing Matt to make better choices. I’m grateful that he is finding some joy in sober living. I’m thankful that Matt has chosen to stick with it, even when REAL recovery is slow. He’s spent about 5 months with these men, learning a new way of life, and he hasn’t walked out on it yet. And, I’m grateful I was able to look on Facebook today and see pictures of him with a genuine smile on his face.